bliss —noun:supreme happiness; serene joy

i made a really good friend at wakarusa this week. it’s so hard for me to leave people that you just fall in love with their soul and all of their being,.. that you wish you could continue to adventure on with them. jay sent me this text today and reminded me that we must live fully in the now and deepen our relationships. and to continue to stay sunny.

“Once upon a time, there was a boy who was exhausted, stressed, and needing some motivation. And then in the middle of an endless onslaught of rain and mud, a warm bright ray of sunshine appeared and made him smile and laugh more then he had in far too long. They laughed and danced and the boy remembered how to be happy again. The boy didn’t get to stay with the ray of sunshine forever, but by the time he went home he had a new freckle on his arm that the ray had given him. And every time he looked at it he smiled and felt joy. - the beginning”

life is good.

it is quite embarrassing that i am sitting in my room crying because i am excited that i get to leave for africa so soon. man, i cannot tell you the joy that will fill up my heart as soon as i run to the same kids i was with last summer. or when i see my host family brother charles. i love that kid. when i first met him at home he was so shy sitting at the kitchen table quietly doing all of his homework. i asked him what he was doing and he replied, “math. we get 100 problems each night this week.” i just sat at the kitchen table drinking kenyan tea while he diligently finished then went to bed. little did i know that he is a very joyful and hilarious young man. as soon as he got comfortable around me all he would do was pick on me and make fun of me. when we would wash our clothes together behind the house in the buckets, he would make fun of me because my back would get tired from leaning over the buckets and scrubbing. i tried sitting down on a rock and he threw the rest of his bucket of dirty soapy water on me and started laughing. “GIRLS DON’T SIT DOWN WHILE THEY WASH, HAHAHHA YOU ARE LAZY! YOU ARE AWFUL AT WASHING CLOTHES.” it quickly turned into a water fight. that young man is sneaky and sarcastic and i love every little thing about him. every night we would dance in the kitchen for at least an hour. that was our rule. after dinner and after we got to relax for a little bit we HAD to dance every night together. i would plug my ipod into my portable speakers, charles loved awful pop and hip-hop songs. bleh. i guess they do have a good tune. for some reason he loved the song “black and yellow” and it was so cute when he would sing it in his little kenyan accent. he is a freshman in high-school now. yet he is so little. i think he will always be little. i bet he gets picked on at school for being so short. he’s a great brother. and i can picture him being a great husband one day. he is so sarcastic and silly, yet his heart is so huge. he’s a quiet leader. all the younger kids would follow him, just because. he just has the natural instinct to lead. i think he feels lonely a lot though. because he isn’t the main focus all the time. but i think that is what makes him a quiet leader.

anywho- i am so so so excited to see him and just pick him up and give him a big ol’ hug. he’s a good kid.

agreaterperhaps:

Never touch anything with half of your heart. Be present, endlessly loving and compassionate towards others. Confront any challenging situation first with a deep breath. Wander. Remember that your own happiness comes from all things around you. Before reacting—understand. Find the faces in the…

“i love Your presence- i love Our love. in the glory of Your presence, i find rest for my soul. in the depths of Your love, i find peace. makes me whole.”

i lover these lines. Our love. what i realized is that my soul is an affectionate being. i love LOVE. i want to give love away and i want to be loved in returned. my soul has always thirsted and hungered for a deeper love. when i tried to fill that in with relationships, boys, dancing, etc i still wasn’t content with the “love” it gave back. relationships and boys failed. and they hurt. and there again my being was thirsting for a deep love. i think senior year it really started clicking- like holy cow. i’ve always grown up in a christian setting, raised by christian parents. but what does that even mean nowadays? you have it own it. you have to claim it and let it envelope your soul and being. i just knew things. it was head knowledge, not heart knowledge yet. i think after a big breakup i went through the very beginning of my senior year- i felt free. i felt free because i was no longer entangled down by relationships that didn’t give me freedom. that didn’t give me deep joy and love- it gave anxiety and pain. i realized that my soul, wanting to affection, is only met by the deep Lover of my soul. i mean when you really understand this- it feels dang good. throw out religion, throw out legalism and The Law. throw it all out. it’s all about relationship. give me relationship, give me love, and give me deep peace that passes all understanding. this is life. THIS IS JOY. sometimes, kinda most times, i do not like westernized christianity. it is all about do do do and don’t do this and don’t do that. it’s all about legalism and living under The Law. NO. there is freedom! that is not freedom. there is grace. last week in colorado we talked about someone who isn’t living under The Law, yet someone who lives in grace. what does their life look like? i think a person like this, is free. free free free free. nothing entangles their soul down. they are dancing in the depths of Glorious Love and Peace. they would be a joyous person, sweating joy. they would have more intimate relationships. they are riding a freedom wave. have you tasted what freedom taste like? i mean REALLY feeling free… i am unable to describe the freedom. it feels so good, like flying. in colorado i made a good friend, nawar. he has the COOLEST story. he grew up in baghdad, then had to flee to libya. his parents sent only him to the united states, for safety and a good education. the rest of his family still lives other there. he grew up as a muslim. but like i said, didn’t really own it. he was very modern and so were his parents. nawar now dances with Jesus. ask him about FREEDOM. and man will he give you a cool story. he loves freedom. now i understand the the Lover of my soul is the true fountain of love, peace, joy. he is the Lord of the dance, and He is dancing over us. dancing peace and joy over our souls. come taste it. come come come and be free. find true release. 

Our love.